


Without You

by orphan_account



Series: Malec drabbles [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Deaf Character, Disabled Character, Fluff, I'm sorry Alec, M/M, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 11:01:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13316721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: An AU where Alec has anxiety and hard of hearingAlternative: The author is very sorry for making Alec suffer from all her problems.This fic takes place in college and he’s already in an relationship with Magnus. I might make it a series and write how they met each other and maybe some more fics going deeper into their relationship.





	Without You

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not 100% sure how accurate the stuff with his hearing aids is because I don’t need them(yet), so there are probably some things in there that aren’t completely right. The anxiety however is very accurate to how I feel sometimes, so it might not be accurate to you if you struggle with anxiety since it’s not the same for everyone.
> 
> English isn't my first languages so if I've made any mistakes feel free to point them out!

From the moment he woke up, Alec could tell today wasn’t going to go great. First of all, his boyfriend, Magnus, wasn’t next to him because he had an important morning lecture he absolutely couldn’t miss. The second thing was that he could literally feel the anxiety buzzing through him, making him restless and jumpy.

The morning had gone pretty well so far, Alec managed to get some food down even though his anxiety made him feel sick and he wanted to do anything but eat. His first lecture wasn’t until noon, but he wanted to try and get some work done in the hope that it would distract his mind so he quickly took a shower, took his meds and put in his hearing aids so he’d be able to hear it when Magnus came home.

It wasn’t as if he was completely deaf without his hearing aids, everything just kinda sounded as if he was underwater and low and high frequencies  were basically lost to his ears. He could follow a conversation, but only without too much background noise because that would drown out the voice of the person he was talking to. Usually he only wore his hearing aids during lectures and not at home, he felt as if it wasn’t needed because Magnus spoke clear enough for him to understand what his boyfriend was saying and if he was having a bad day, Magnus could easily switch to sign language for him.

He only wore his hearing aids at home when his anxiety was bad, it made him feel more at ease to be able to hear his surroundings and it calmed his anxiety a bit. But of course it was just his luck that on the day his anxiety was his worst, the batteries of his hearing aids were dead. He must have forgotten to charge them last night. It was fine. He could do this. He would just wait till Magnus got home and ask him- wait, what time was Magnus coming home again? Frantically, Alec began searching for his phone to see if he had a text message saying his boyfriend was on his way home.

It was only once Alec got his phone that he realized his hands were shaking and his chest felt like it was on fire. He _needed_ Magnus right now. With his still shaking hands he tried to unlock his phone while focusing on his breathing. 4 seconds in, hold for 7 seconds and out for 8 seconds. It usually worked to calm him down if Magnus wasn’t there, but everything seemed to wrong today. Due to his shaking hands the phone slipped out of Alec’s hands and landed on the floor with a loud thud.   
This seemed to do it for Alec as he felt his throat starting to close up and his vision began getting blurry. He reached out his hands to find the wall and let himself slid down to the floor.

Once again, he began counting his breathes. 4 seconds in, hold for 7 seconds, out for 8 seconds and repeat. He lost count of how many times he had to repeat the exercise before he felt his breathing calm down a bit. His limbs still felt numb and his thoughts were still going a hundred mph, but at least he had his breathing somewhat under control.  
How he kept sitting there with his head leaned back against the wall he didn’t know, but suddenly Magnus was in front of him with a worried expression on his face. Alec could see his lips forming words, but the ringing in his ears that sometimes came with a heavy attack like this one was cutting out all his hearing.

‘’Can’t hear.’’ He mumbled with a vague gesture to his ears, knowing that Magnus would understand what he meant. The other had only experienced a couple of Alec’s anxiety attacks, one of them where it was so bad that he nearly passed out, and Alec had explained to him what usually happened during those attacks so that Magnus would always know what to do.

 ** _Stay here_** Magnus signed, leaving Alec after a quick, reassuring squeeze of his hand. He returned a couple of seconds after with a glass of water and a blanket, Alec took the last one with a thankful smile and hugged it tightly, he tended to get cold after attacks.

After Magnus sat down next to him, Alec got handed the glass of water and he held it tightly in his hands. He had stopped shaking, but the numb feeling remained in his hands and he didn’t want to drop the glass.

They sat like that for about ten minutes, until Alec could feel his hearing coming back and had calmed down completely. He heard Magnus softly talking about something, he didn’t understand what he was saying but the sound of his voice made him smile.  Softly, he put the glass next to him and looked his boyfriend in the eyes.

‘’Thank you,’’ He softly cupped the other’s face with his hands and pressed a kiss on his lips. ‘’I wouldn’t know what to do without you.’’

**Author's Note:**

> SORRY THAT IT'S SO SHORT  
> I didn't check this before posting and wrote it in about 30 minutes so there might be some mistakes.  
> Okay so to clear things up a bit:  
> While my hearing is pretty shit, it's nowhere near Alec's hearing loss described here. So I'm not entirely sure if I described everything really accurate, I just needed to vent a bit because the last couple of days my hearing has been playing up and I was pretty frustrated by missing things my friends said. And since school starts again tomorrow it's probably going to get even worse, yay me!
> 
> As said before, the anxiety is accurate to my experience and what goes on in my head during attacks, so for anyone else it might be different. 
> 
> Leave kudos and comments if you liked it!


End file.
